Keys to Happiness!

We will live longer than any generation in human history. Consequently, we may wonder: “What do we know about aging well and happiness?” Harvard research on “adult development” concludes that we must, at a minimum, have a stable relationship, have 12+ years of education, abstain from smoking, steer clear of alcohol abuse and being overweight, and exercise. Follow this prescription, enjoy family and friends and you will be happy. This is the conventional idea of happiness.

Conventional happiness is good. We earned it! Oscar Wilde and most philosophers, however, would differentiate it from flourishing. To flourish requires something more. I call this something more factor X.

For positive psychology factor X is living a virtuous life. If kindness and generosity and a capacity to love and be loved are among your virtues, flourish as a social worker or as a hospice volunteer. A retired banker friend, known for his perseverance and integrity, is a member of the Arts and Culture Commission and an active supporter of high school internship programs. He is a community leader. In the next town, a retired military man with great experience and wisdom reads to children in a local school district. He thrives in the role of mentor. Positive psychology reminds us that Aristotle defined flourishing as “an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue.”

For George Vaillant factor X is ego development. Projection, fantasy, passive aggression and acting out are examples of immature defense mechanisms. Neurosis, and in the worst-case psychosis, result from their use. Flourishing requires mature defense mechanisms like altruism, sublimation and humor. A family member who left money in her estate for research on battered women and to fund scholarships for abused women demonstrated altruism. Great works of art, music and scientific discoveries are often products of sublimation. Humor permits an overt expression of feeling without being offensive. It is a creative defense mechanism. Charlie Russell mastered the art. Have you seen Russell’s illustrated correspondence? Some believe Russell was the West’s greatest cartoonist. To some extent mature defense mechanisms develop naturally: we mellow with age. Vaillant’s theory that flourishing demands ego development reminds me that Buddha believed our mind is like a wild elephant that must be controlled by its trainer.

Is sainthood or a decade of psychotherapy necessary to flourish? Nakamura and Csikszentmihalyi have a different theory of factor X. Csikszentmihalyi discovered “flow.” (Have you heard the expression, “Go with the flow!”) Flow is that state of mind where we are so totally engrossed in an activity that we lose our sense of time and are oblivious to immediate surroundings. Vital engagement, flourishing, occurs when we are in flow and our activity is also meaningful. I have a friend who relishes the challenge of a new recipe. The joy of preparing meals for friends and family gives meaning to her cooking. Another friend was devoted to caring for her handicapped son. His physical challenges made each day an adventure they shared. I have golf playing friends whose eyes light up when golf is mentioned. They have invented and speak an esoteric language. Recently, a friend told me he could hardly wait to get up each morning and get to work! For him work was not a job, not a career but a calling. These are everyday examples of people flourishing.

Flourishing is not easy, but worth the effort!

Published in the Great Falls Tribune September 24, 2006.